Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve had a huge don’t mess with me attitude. I’m a scrawny Jewish girl, but am quite in touch with my inner Rambo. It’s no surprise to anyone who knows me that I am a really aggressive cancer patient. But lately I’ve been wondering if aggressive is always the smartest choice.
Sometimes I’m aggressive out of fear. Living with cancer is damn scary. It’s easy to want to pull out the big guns so I can feel forceful in fighting my disease. My doc told me I could lower the dosage of my medication slightly. Instead of embracing the prospect of diminished side effects, I want to stay at the highest dose possible. It’s a bit of a “Thank you sir. May I have another?” attitude. A hurts so good attitude.
But is my choice pro-active and aggressive or just misguided and stupid? Harder and stronger isn’t always a guarantee of healthier. Many women still choose to get mastectomies for peace of mind in circumstances where they are not medically necessary. A family member chose to take a very strong chemo that was not medically necessary because it made her feel proactive. But what does peace of mind mean if the science doesn’t really back it up? Should we invest in comparative efficacy research when so often patients make emotionally based choices?
Taking high doses of my medication makes me feel like an aggressive patient. But an aggressive patient is someone who questions, reads, looks at their illness from all angles, and makes smart decisions. And sometimes the smartest decision is the smaller, quieter action. Or even no action at all.
Under the guidance of my doc at Memorial Sloan Kettering, I’m doing a wait and watch approach. I’m living with two active tumors in me instead of having more surgery. Many people can’t run fast enough to the OR to have tumors removed. For my case, aggressive surgery isn’t the smartest choice right now. I’m doing a pretty good job of tempering my inner Rambo and sitting tight with my guns at bay. You’d think if I can convince myself to wait and watch, I could also convince myself to ratchet down my medication. It isn’t happening yet. I still need a security blanket. And for now, my higher dosage of medication is it. Aggressive? Yes. Smart? Not necessarily.
How do you define being an aggressive patient? Have you ever become dependent on the hope that stronger, harsher medications or procedures will make you better even if the science isn’t there?
Read Everything Changes: The Insider’s Guide to Cancer in Your 20s and 30s to learn more about how Greg balanced smart and aggressive decision making.