I read a med journal article yesterday about vegetarian teens being at risk for anorexia and it got me thinking about cancer survivors and eating disorders.
In my late teens and early 20s I was anorexic and slightly bulimic – no puking just herbal laxative tea. A vegan, lola-granola, ballet dancer, I was afraid to eat rice cakes because they had .05 grams of fat. I obsessively read labels and scrutinized every ingredient that entered my mouth. I exercised like mad and couldn’t look at my body in the mirror. Reflecting on this, I’m damn proud that I figured out how to pull my ass out of such a scary starvation addiction.
By the time I was diagnosed with cancer at 27, I was eating normally, had hips and curves, loved French pastries and brisket. So it was a jolting mind fuck when part way through my treatment I realized how much this disease could mess with my appetite.
With cancer, I wasn’t eating because I was dizzy and nauseous. My treatment protocol necessitated that I inspect for iodine every morsel I put in my mouth. I was bombarded by media images, books, and trendy articles telling me that if I ate vegan, avoided sugar, and subsisted on vegetables I could beat my cancer. My medication made me shed 18 pounds. I looked and felt anorexic all over again, even though I wasn’t.
I had some serious in the mirror talks with myself to keep me on track and not let all the side effects, stress, and fashionable cure diets slide me back into my horrible habits of the past. I’m still stick thin from my meds, but my mind is balanced and I’m aggressively trying put on pounds while eating healthily. (Yes, you can add your name to the wait list of people who want my problem.)
Fifteen-percent of young women in the U.S. display some kind of eating disorder patterns, so I cannot be the only gal (or guy) who has dealt with young adult cancer and the memory of an eating disorder. Yet, I never hear it spoken about. Do you? Did food, appetite, weight gain, or weight loss ever mess with your mind during treatment? If so, how did you deal with it? Do you ever take cancer diets to an extreme where it seems obsessive or unhealthy? Where is the balance?