What sucks more than cancer? Being single on Valentine’s Day with cancer. I might not be there now, but I was for many years. So I’m throwing the first official Single with Cancer Valentine’s Day Bash on my blog today.
To celebrate, here is part of an interview I did with Melissa Sorenson a few years ago when she was 24 and living with lymphoma. She told me the story of her boyfriend who we’ll call Daniel, to save the bastard from embarrassment. (Who knows, maybe he has transformed into a nice guy by now?)
Cheer Up Sweet Melissa?
“If I had a message to the men of the world who have rejected women with cancer it would be fuck you! No. You’re an idiot. No. You’re just selfish. It’s so pathetic – do these men not think that they could get sick some day too? It’s just bad karma. Do they not realize that the next woman they are with could get sick? Or that their parents might get sick someday? I guess these men have never had to deal with anyone being sick around them and they don’t want the burden of having to start now.
Five weeks into chemo Daniel had a party. I was pretty sick but I went anyway. Around midnight I got this horrible, painful, weird feeling of illness just vibrating through my chest and stomach and legs. I left Daniel’s party and went to my friend’s apartment to sleep. I felt so lonely and scared. I called him around 2 AM, when I thought the party was winding down, to ask if he’d come be with me. He didn’t want to leave the party. I’m like, ‘Dude, these are like the only times I’m ever gonna ask you to do this.’ He’s like, ‘Can’t you just come back over here?’ I’m like, ‘I can’t sleep in the middle of a party.’ So he just never came.
There was a girl at his party who I just didn’t like. You know how you get certain vibes? I’m usually right about these things. That’s why I listen to myself. Women do have a way of knowing these things. I woke up at 6 AM. I wanted to go over to Daniel’s cause I knew that she’d be there, but physically I just couldn’t get up, I was too sick. I waited and called him at 9. I’m like, ‘Who slept over?’ I got it out of him. I can always get it out of him. And I was right. That girl slept over in his bed. Even his friends who love Daniel and think he’s a great guy are like, he’s a great guy but Mel you’re sick and he’s not doing what he needs to do for you. A couple of times he called me from bars and I had a hunch that he was out with other women. He’d invite me along but I think he was trying to cover because he knew I was too sick and would never make it out.
I finally decided it was easier to handle the heartache of ending it than it was to manage the stress of him going out drinking and being with other women. I finally broke up with him on week 8 of chemo. I have never been so depressed in my entire life. Lots of people would write cards to me saying you’re so strong and inspirational for dealing with cancer. I’d think, no, no, no stop it. I’m not. Everyone has their struggles in life. And I honestly feel like going through love problems is worse than going through cancer sometimes.”
Do you have any girl or guy bashing, broken hearted or dumped during cancer stories to share? Any advice on how to ride the waves of being single or divorced or going through hard times with a partner during chemo? Do share.