I spent five hours sitting on a dumpster dived sofa in an apartment in San Francisco, transfixed in conversation. I was interviewing Wafa’a, a lymphoma patient in her early twenties, for my book Everything Changes. We ranted about parents, dating, and loneliness. At the end of our rapid-fire conversation, Wafa’a clearly, slowly, and eloquently stated a list of pointers she would give to newly diagnosed patients. I thought I’d make my own list too:
1. Climb. If it makes you feel good to climb a mountain or run a marathon with cancer, fantastic.
2. Cry. If you cry yourself to sleep and cannot scrape your depressed head off the pillow in the morning, that’s pretty normal too.
3. Reality. Don’t believe the hype that we can choose whether or not cancer is going to get the best of us. Cancer is not an attitude. It is a disease.
4. Smash. Put one foot in front of the other, roll with the punches, yell, cry, and break things as needed. (I recommend smashing a dozen eggs in the shower: cheap, satisfyingly messy, yet easy to clean up.)
5. Ask. Ask for help when you need it from people who are good at giving it.
6. Learn. Make educated choices while realizing there is no guarantee that the right choice will yield desirable results.
7. Love. Love those who support you and take a break from people who just don’t get what you are going through.
8. Science. Get constructively pissed off at the system, but stay curious about science.
9. Change. Don’t work too hard on using your cancer experience to change your outlook on life; it will do that all on its own. (And if it doesn’t, don’t worry, some of us prior to cancer already had great outlooks that didn’t need much changing.)
10. Vulnerability. Create your own definition of strength and let it change as needed. For me, strength comes from recognizing that I am vulnerable.
What are some cancer truths, or pointers, you would give to newly diagnosed patients? Are there any of mine that you disagree with?