I’m still living with cancer in me. But it’s been years since my last treatment. Now that treatment is farther in the past, my mom and I are able to talk about it more, especially about her caregiving role. She flew across country, lived in my tiny apartment, and took care of me for weeks at a time.
A few months ago my mom said, “I wish your friends had called me up and asked to meet me to lunch. Or taken me out to the movies. You wanted your alone time each day. I was in a new city and overwhelmed, I really didn’t know where to go.”
The desperation of her statement was a shocker. My mom’s no shy country mouse. Drop her in a new city with a street map and she’s taking public transit to parts of town I’ve never heard of. But this was different. Few things are more painful to a mom than seeing her kid critically ill. She needed to flee our little infirmary and zone out in front of the big screen. I was too absorbed with my own illness to even realize.
My mom is still a huge support to me. But my husband Shannon has now taken over as my main caregiver. It’s super stressful for us when we are waiting for test results or dealing with my treatment and care. I shoot out emails to his friends when it gets close to high anxiety dates (scans, big doc appointments). I ask them to take him out for beer. (Belgian at the Hopleaf if possible.) Is it my job as the patient to help take care of my caregiver? In small ways, when I am physically able, I think it is.
If you’re a caregiver, what do you do to take care of yourself and get time away? Is it hard to make time? If you are a patient, do you think your caregiver spends enough time taking care of themselves? Are you able to help them get some time away?
“Everything Changes is, without doubt, the most forthright, emotionally sophisticated, and plain-old valuable book of its kind I've seen.”
